Writing is Hard, and You’re Stupid

By Stacey

This Forbes article was, no joke, the first result in Google when I typed in wanting to be a writer:

Why You Shouldn’t be a Writer: http://www.forbes.com/sites/susannahbreslin/2012/06/12/why-you-shouldnt-be-a-writer/

Did you read it? Cause I waited for you. If you didn’t, that’s ok (more reading is asking too much which I get – you’re just nice for being here in the first place). Let me give you the gist with some quotes:

“I’m going to be a writer, you decide one day, sitting on the crapper, considering your life on the way to work…”

And:

“…or your high school English teacher suggested you had a certain aptitude for putting words together on a page…”

And also:

“But here’s the question you should be asking yourself: Can I write? Not literally. Not physically. Not technically. Anyone can do that. Can you make the words sing?”

Lastly:

“Most people cannot write well. This is a fact. This is something that is true. This is a hard thing to accept. Most people cannot write well, and that includes you…”

That last one sounded like it could have come from a drunken Dr. Seuss. What’s even more surprising is the comments on this article – the majority of people actually agreed with the author! This all struck me as asinine for some reason, so I crafted this response:

Whoa! Do you have a camera on me in my bathroom? How do you know me this intimately! I WAS pondering my life while on the toilet! I DID have an English teacher who thought I had a talent for writing. Well egg on my face! He was a fool wasn’t he – I see that now. Probably another wanna be writer too!

Even after I finished this article (that came up first in the search when I typed in “I want to write”) I thought surely, the comments would add some meaning to this. We nobody’s would band together and say, “Hey! We can still make it!” But me (a ding-dong) see loads of other people who agree with you because they to, have that something special. No nobody’s in this bunch!

But what if I still want to write (like a moron)? What are my other options? Do I sit at an Applebee’s or something, order some chicken fingers and wait? Wait for a big-shot editor to walk by, have our eyes meet, and have us both instantaneously realize that I was clearly born to write and they were clearly born to find me? Would they then, grab me by my shoulders and shout, “You SON OF A BITCH! This is where you’ve been hiding!?! Come with me now – we shall create “words that sing” together!” All this happening while music from the Lion King starts playing in the background from when Simba finally becomes King right?

I suppose that’s stupid though (like myself). I get it now – just don’t even bother. I trust you Forbes because after all, you are smarter and more attractive than me – a successful type that has the free time to give good advice to the idiots below you. From now on, if I feel some need to write, it shall be in shame. So I’d like to thank you Forbes, and end by saying… LET THE SHAME BEGIN!!!

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2 comments

  1. I truly can’t tell if the article is meant to be serious or not. Either way, it annoys me. You’re response is amazing and completely makes up for the snooty overtones by the author 🙂

    1. We weren’t sure either, btu we couldn’t imagine why someone would actively discourage anyone from writing, so we took it as hostility. Which is out natural response.

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